When are You Having Kids?
& other questions you'll get asked on Thanksgiving as a newlywed...
Welcome to The First Years of Marriage Newsletter! We talk about the conversations, challenges, and changes that begin once the honeymoon ends. Advice from experts, mistakes from me (Jen Glantz), and things you’re going to want to know as you continue to ask yourself this question - “I’m married, so now what?”
One more thing for you:
I am working on THE NEWLYWED CARD GAME! A card game for newlyweds that sparks meaningful convos, hilarious adventures, & fresh romantic moments after the honeymoon ends.
A limited number of decks will be available in December, so you can snag your game in the pre-sale + tons of bonus prizes too! Thank you for checking this out - woohoo!
‘Tis the season of family gatherings.
You know what that means for you, newlywed?
Likely it means a serious of personal and semi-intrusive questions.
“When are you having kids?”
“Do you regret your wedding?”
“Did you spend all your wedding gift money on that ridiculous honeymoon?”
If you know these questions are coming and you’re not quite sure how to handle them, here’s some insight from the experts.
Ps. know somebody who needs to read this?
Send it Right Back
I love the approach of answering a person’s question with a question back at them. Gretchen Winterkorn, a Psychotherapist, thinks it's always helpful with a personal question that doesn't feel great to return the question to the asker:
Q - When are you having kids?
A - What makes you ask?
Q - Do you regret getting married?
A - What would make us regret getting married?'
“Usually when people are asking these kinds of questions they are projecting
their own thoughts/feelings/judgements on you and this is a way to get back
to focus of concern - the asker,” says Winterkorn.
Keep it Short
When the uncomfortable questions get served to you like an undercooked side dish, Cynthia Halow, a psychologist, says the best way to deal is to end the question by saying something as simple as “You will know when we’re ready”. “I am not ready at the moment but I’ll let you know when there’s an update”.
“This simply lets them know that you aren’t ready and also tells them to
stop asking. It should also save you from further uncomfortable questions
afterward without any drama,” says Halow.
Set Incredible Boundaries
Here’s something I need to remember - you don’t have to answer people’s questions.
Donna Novak, a licensed psychologist, recommends putting boundaries in place for what you will, or will not discuss.
“You can reply with, ‘That's not something I'm wanting to discuss at this time, or When my partner and I are ready to talk about those topics, we will bring them
up ourselves.’ Maintain your personal boundaries, and only open up when and
if you are ready to.”
What do you think?
What are the most common questions you get asked during the holiday season that bugs you beyond words?
Love you (for as long as we both shall live),