Welcome to The First Years of Marriage Newsletter! We talk about the conversations, challenges, and changes that begin once the honeymoon ends. Advice from experts, mistakes from me (Jen Glantz), and things you’re going to want to know as you continue to ask yourself this question - “I’m married, so now what?”
I often forget I’m married.
If someone was to stop me on the street and say:
“Excuse me, Ma’am. What’s your relationship status?”
I’d probably at first give them a taste of my New York attitude and then I’d respond with an elongated:
It just hasn’t hit me that my relationship status has changed and there are many reason for that.
Adam and I eloped on a sidewalk in March. It was special but it wasn’t overwhelming and we had less than 10 guests. So it happened and then after it happened, we literally went home and continued to live our lives. It’s hard to explain how “normal” it all felt.
I hardly see anyone! I see the same five people every week (thanks, pandemic) so usually the topic of me being married hardly arises. But when I do see someone I haven’t seen in months and they say “YOU’RE MARRIED!” It takes my brain 15 seconds to process that I am and I say “YES! I AM, AREN’T I!”
It’s a big deal but also it’s not. I'm a solopreneur who runs 11 different businesses, projects, and side hustles. Which means I’m focused on so many things all the time.
All of that is a long way of saying that even though I am newly married, but don’t always remember that, I certainly feel the changes and the challenges of being married.
Just like these:
The First Years of Marriage Can Be Rough
For so many reasons. That’s why I started this newsletter. Let’s explore some of the high-level reasons right here (but stay tuned for more in-depth dives into each of these reasons).
Things Join Together
Before marriage, things that were separate were separate. Now, you have to talk about how to join things like finances, taxes, goals, life plans, ideas for decorating, and so much more.
It’s like remember when you were a kid and a friend came over and your mom reminded you the importance of sharing your one and only Barbie with them?
Marriage is like that, but intensified.
You’re learning how to share all over again while also merging the most important things - from $$$ to expectations to decisions to stuff (shoutout to those of you married and living in tiny apartments and home where figuring out where to store stuff is one of the main things you fight about).
Future Talk Gets Real
All the convos you had in the past where to live or when to have kids might have gone smoothly or even been fun. But now you’re living in that “future” and those talks are the real deal.
One thing we don’t remember but then we deal with during the first few years of marriage is the reality that PEOPLE CHANGE THEIR MINDS.
Adam loves to say: “Jen, you give me mixed messages.” That’s because one day I swear I want to leave New York City forever and move to Montana and the next day I say I’d never turn my back on Brooklyn.
People change their mind - some us of change is constantly - and that right there makes new marriage hard.
You have decisions to make and minds that change.
You were on the same page with your partner and now……you’re not.
You Can’t Avoid the Elephants
All of the problems you had when you were dating or engaged don’t go away when you get married.
They follow you.
They get comfy on the couch with you.
They even try to catch your attention even more.
Marriage isn’t a magician that makes this poof! disappear.
You Question Yourself …. A Lot
Hello, identity crisis! For so many people, after getting married, they ask themselves some pretty tough questions like:
-Who am I?
-What’s my purpose?
-What even makes me happy?
-Am I happy?
You Didn’t Expect the Unexpected
Life is a highway, sure, okay, but it’s also a series of curveballs.
The pandemic = curveball.
Pop-up problems = curveballs.
Someone loses their job = curveballs.
All of those things make marriage what it is = a partnership and a true test in how well you can work together.
MARRIAGE IS WORKING TOGETHER IN THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE TOUGH, AND THE UNFAIR.
And that can make it feel beautiful but also really tough.
I’m here for you and I’m glad you’re here.
Love you (for as long as we both shall live),